Source: Forbes.com- Carolyn Rosenblatt, Contributor April 22, 2013

Carrie got concerned when her brothers suddenly began to exclude her from their Mom’s financial affairs. It didn’t feel right, but she wasn’t sure she could do anything about it. When she called, I got that “slow burn” feeling that comes over me when I hear about financial elder abuse. As a consultant for folks with aging parents, it’s not the first time I’ve heard this kind of story. Carrie and her brothers were supposed to all share authority on the Durable Power of Attorney for Mom. Mom and her lawyer had set it up that way, at Mom’s request. It’s nice in theory, this idea of being democratic. It’s just not practical. Unwittingly, the lawyer had put the 3 siblings into a trap. One could say “no” to any decision and none of them could move forward. They didn’t all trust each other and clearly, there was a deliberate attempt to exclude Carrie from the money decisions. Mom has dementia, Carrie reports. This makes her vulnerable, even if she is functioning fairly well in caring for herself at this time. Carrie’s brothers are starting down the path of making themselves suspects of the crime of elder abuse. Besides shutting Carrie out of the decisions, they’ve taken her car, and are using her credit cards for personal things. This is a brewing crisis. 

Here are 7 warning signs everyone needs to know about if this is happening in your family. These are, by themselves, not necessarily dangerous, but any combination of them should raise suspicion and trigger action from those who worry about abuse.

1. A family member becomes secretive about the parent’s finances In this case, a long standing pattern of making Mom’s books available to all 3 siblings was altered. Carrie knew what Mom’s regular expenses were and what she spent every month. Mom is 87. When Carrie got excluded from online access to Mom’s accounts, it raised a red flag.

2. A family member lives with the parent and depends on the parent for financial support. Carrie’s brother Jack lives with Mom. He has a job, but Mom pays all his bills. This has gone on for some time. Now, he’s using Mom’s credit card and he apparently doesn’t want Carrie to see what he’s spending. Sometimes this situation is a recipe for abuse because it’s just too easy to rip off the aging parent, who is vulnerable to manipulation.

3. A family member begins to isolate the aging parent from others. When there is anyone blocking visits, restricting access of other family members to the elder, it’s another red flag. The potential abuser doesn’t want anyone looking too closely at what is going on and the method to avoid scrutiny is to keep the elder away from the other family members.

4. An adult child insists on being present when anyone else is with the aging parent. This can be a sign that an adult child is threatening the aging parent if he/she talks about the financial manipulation that the elder knows is going on. If the elder has concerns, the abuser doesn’t want the aging parent to reveal this to anyone and may have frightened the elder into silence.

5. A family member has a substance abuse problem and has influence over an aging parent with memory problems. Drug and alcohol dependency can make a liar out of just about anyone who has this issue. Memory impaired aging parents are “easy pickings” for money to support the dependency habit. The adult child or other relative uses the relationship with the elder to manipulate “loans” out of the elder and the elder forgets what happened or can’t make sense of it but says yes.

6. Sudden change in estate planning documents, particularly Durable Power of Attorney, Trustee or signatory on a bank or brokerage account. Cognitive impairment begins subtly at first, but the elder is vulnerable to manipulation even in the earliest stages of dementia. When names on legal documents suddenly get added or removed, it is a suspicious sign, particularly if there is no obvious need to make such changes.

7. Kidnapping and moving the elder to an adult child’s home without notice to anyone or discussion with anyone else. This is a tricky problem. If adult protective services asks the elder if he/she wants to be with the adult child and the elder says “yes” there is nothing APS is going to do at that point. More evidence of elder abuse will be needed to get law enforcement involved. If you are suspicious, start poking into the situation as soon as you see the first red flag. After the elder is removed to another location, you can lose control of efforts to help. If you suspect abuse, and want to protect your aging parent, contact Adult Protective Services in your area. Collect the specific information that made you suspicious ahead of time. Yes, you must name names, give dates of suspicious activity and provide facts the authorities can check out. It is possible in some states to freeze the elder’s bank accounts pending an investigation. Our financial elder abuse problem in this country costs elders $2.9 billion dollars per year.If family members get past the discomfort and report abuse, it may do something to reduce this crime.

People who are socially isolated are more likely to die prematurely, regardless of their underlying health issues, according to a study of the elderly British population.

The findings, published online Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, showed that when mental and physical health conditions were factored out, the lack of social contact continued to lead to early death among 6,500 men and women tracked over a seven-year period.

“They’re dying of the usual causes, but isolation has a strong influence,” said study author Andrew Steptoe, an epidemiologist at University College London.

The study also appeared to diminish the role that subjective feelings of “loneliness,” as opposed to the lack of social contact, may have on a person’s life span. Both lead to higher mortality risks, the study noted, but the effect of feeling lonely diminishes once demographic and health factors are taken into account.

Regardless of the distinction, the study reinforces the need to increase social support for the elderly, even as it adds to debate over the intertwined effects of social contact and feelings of loneliness in old age. A similar look at retired Americans in 2012 reinforced multiple studies that link loneliness to numerous illnesses, including heart trouble and high blood pressure.

Both studies come as British and U.S. populations have become more solitary. People living alone compose more than a quarter of U.S households, and the proportion of Americans who said they had no one to talk to about important matters grew from 10% in 1985 to 25% in 2004, according to authors of the British study. A 2010 European survey revealed that more than a quarter of Europeans aged 50 and over reported that they met friends, colleagues or family less than once a month.

Separating the effects of loneliness from those of isolation, however, has not been easy for those who study rates of illness and death. While isolation can be measured directly — by how many friends you have or how often you have contact with family — loneliness is more subjective, measured through survey questions about whether social needs and expectations are being met.

Anyone familiar with Henry David Thoreau knows that isolation does not necessarily lead to loneliness, while the story of Marilyn Monroe shows that a strong social life can still leave you lonely.

A 1992 study of 2,000 heart patients suggested that having a confidant was more important than social links alone. It showed that relative mortality nearly tripled among those who had neither a partner nor a confidant, compared with those who had confidants (whether they were married or unmarried), according to the author of that study, Redford Williams, director of the behavioral medical research center at Duke University.

“There is something about not having social support — that is not acting through loneliness, nor through other health problems — that is contributing to mortality,” Williams said.

Confusing the picture are studies that show loneliness leading to poor health, including higher blood pressure, heightened reaction to stress and altered immune responses, all of which can lead to higher mortality risk.

“Unfortunately in our study, we can’t tell which comes first,” Steptoe said. “We did know that lonely people did have more illnesses.”

Last year’s report on loneliness, based on the U.S. Health and Retirement Study, showed that loneliness appeared to increase mortality risk over a six-year period, an association that could not be attributed to social relationships or health behaviors, such as smoking and drinking.

Isolation may encourage poor lifestyle choices such as smoking, inactivity and unhealthy diets, which factor into mortality rates, said John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, an author of the 2012 study. He suggested that the British tradition of a “stiff upper lip” may mean Britons who live alone “are less likely to admit to feeling lonely than are residents of the U.S.”

Nonetheless, Cacioppo said, “Whether or not loneliness predicts mortality in the UK, it most certainly does predict lower well-being, increased depressive symptomatology, and decreased cognitive functioning in older adults in the UK as well as in the U.S. This makes it important to address in the UK whether or not it predicts mortality.”

Richard Suzman, director of the National Institute on Aging’s division of behavioral and social research, said: “It may be that loneliness and ill health are much more entangled. The question is, does loneliness lead to ill health or is it that when you get ill you get more lonely — you don’t get out, or people don’t visit as much.”

The National Institute on Aging, part of the National Institutes of Health, funded both the British study and last year’s report on U.S. retirees.

Loneliness and isolation “should get lots of attention because they may be as important, as joint factors, as smoking,” Suzman said.

Studies that involve interventions would help separate the different effects of loneliness and isolation, he added. “Isolation wins out this time, but I’d want an experiment to verify that.”

Tracey Herron- Photo by Jim Knowles

Source- San Leandro Times, March 7, 2013 by Jim Knowles

SAN LEANDRO- Letter carrier  Tracey Herron knows the neighborhood where she delivers mail every day.

One day last month, Herron noticed that an elderly lady on Cleveland Street hadn’t picked up her mail for a few days. That was unusual, Herron thought, since the woman is always home.

“Some people you pay attention to because they’re old,” Herron said. “When she wasn’t picking up the mail I thought there might be something wrong.”

So Herron began looking around for a neighbor.

“I started knocking on doors,” she said.

She found a nearby neighbor at home and they decided to call the police to go inside and check on the woman’s welfare.

It’s a good thing Herron did that. The woman had suffered a stroke and she was on the floor. A pot was on the stove, completely melted.

The woman is still in the hospital, but she’s alive due to the observant letter carrier.

“We’re proud of our letter carriers,” said Postmaster Dina Flotte. “They do more than deliver the mail.”

According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, nearly one in ten seniors in America suffers from poor nutrition. This can exacerbate problems already common among seniors, including depression, improper healing, and a depressed immune system.

Emeritus goal is to ensure that seniors are living “Safely Somewhere,” whether they are being cared for at an Emeritus community, another senior living environment, or at home. The very cornerstone of a safe and secure environment is ensuring people are getting the proper nutrition they need to lead a fulfilling and productive life.

If you know of a senior who could use a nutritious meal and some good company, contact the Emeritus community nearest you.

http://www.emeritus.com/meals

Our February Senior Moments meeting will include African American’s sharing  personal stories.  We will also hear presentations about those who contributed to the fabric of this nation.

Pastor Betty Clark showed us how to chase away the holiday blues, especially for those who have lost loved ones, which can make this a challenging time of year.

We mixed and mingled with SeMo regulars and welcomed new visitors to our fold. SeMo was thrilled to have our scrumptious breakfast provided by Bay’s BBQ.  This may have been my first time having pull pork and scrambled eggs for breakfast, not to mention their wonderful corn bread muffins – yummy!

Our special guest vendor was Ethel, who at the age of 89, provided exquisite jewelry and Laura Burch hand bags all for fantastic prices. Her 91 year old husband was on hand to help Ethel out also.

Our SeMo community also made sure others had a happy holiday by giving toys to needy grandparents for their grandchildren.All in all, a good time was had by everyone.

Stay tuned for our next meeting in January.  We should have our meeting location posted soon.

Happy Holidays from Senior Moments!

Support those who support Senior Moments:

Linen Life Gallery

770 E.14th Street

San Leandro, CA

510-301-9872

 Bay’s BBQ

185 Pelton Center Way

(between Washington Ave & 14th St)

San Leandro, CA 94577

510-357-1744

Senior Moments holiday breakfast mixer will take place at the Linen Life Gallery this year.  While we will network, eat and enjoy our time together, we will also finalize our toy drive and hear words of encouragement from Chaplin Betty Clark about chasing away the holiday blues.

For many, this time of the year is difficult to deal with, especially those who grieve the loss of a loved one. Chaplin Betty Clark provides a upbeat and insightful way for those with the blues to find ways to cope with their grief.  Clarks remarkable and optimistic approach provides practical tips that can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays. After hearing Clark speak, many have enjoyed the holidays more than they thought they ever would.

Last year, Senior Moments was thrilled to provide toys to needy grandparents so they could experience the joy of giving gifts to their grandchildren.  It is amazing how a simple act, such as a grandparent giving a gift to their grandchild, can have such a positive impact on elders. Many of our elders are not able to afford to give a gift and/or mobility restrictions will not allow for shopping for Christmas. However, last year, the looks on the faces of our elders who received gifts for their grands – was priceless.

We are asking for your kind donations again this year. We would love to receive a WRAPPED toy labeled with the child’s age and sex. Bring your gift to our holiday mixer or take them to the San Leandro Chamber of Commerce:15555 East 14th Street #100 San Leandro, CA 94578. Your partnership with Senior Moments will make the season bright, once again, for our dear elders.

Holiday Breakfast Mixer:

When: Wednesday, December 12, 2012, 9 – 10:30 AM

Where: Linen Life Gallery, 770 E.14th Street, San Leandro, CA 94577

Breakfast and Raffle Prizes

Cost: A Smile

Senior Moments will also support Ms. Ethel, an elder in her 80′s, by featuring her beautiful and inexpensive jewelry and handbags. Be prepared to purchase her items to complete your holiday shopping.

Carol Reid - Caregiver

For the past 16 years I have cared for my mother who is disabled and currently living in a nursing home.  My status as a single women who works as a full time insurance professional does not make caring for my mother easy. However, as my mother’s oldest child and only daughter, I have fully embraced caring for my mom.

My mother lived in her home for 40 years until my father passed away which ushered significant challenges into my mother’s life.  Two years after my father passed, my mother’s health declined and she moved into an assisted living facility for 4 years. My mother’s varying medical condition caused her to move to my brothers home for a short time and then finally back to her home where we employed different caregivers who worked a variety of shifts. After trying many in-home-support providers and three different board and care facilities; we found her current nursing home to be the best fit.

Needless to say, I needed help with the dynamics of caregiving and later found this website, familycaregiving101.org to be a great resource for caregivers or those thinking they may become one in the future.  On the website, the progression of caregiving is outlined in six stages.  After reading the information, it clearly spells out how the caregiving role can and will change as it has for me.  Unfortunately, I was not aware of this information when I started as a caregiver.  I fumbled through the process trying to figure it out as my mother’s needs changed and many times the responsibility was overwhelming, and it still is on occasion.  When I started caring for my mom, I viewed my role simply as “being there for my mother who needed me.”  However, for anyone who is or has been a caregiver, the responsibility requires a special skill set to understand and manage your loved ones affairs. Issues have to be addressed such as durable powers of attorney for health care, living wills, and financial planning. Also, benefit planning required me to meet with physicians, learn about medications and why they have been prescribed.  As I worked my way through this maze, I also provided the emotional and financial support my mother needed.  With all these responsibilities it was difficult to see how all this work could turn out to actually be a gift – to me.

I honestly must say that it took a while to see the many gifts caring for my mother has brought to my life.  But, after 16 years I am clear that the gifts that have manifested are numerous.  They include, but are not limited to: The gifts of patience, intimacy, empathy, resourcefulness, appreciation, love and gratefulness. In my next article, I will go into more detail about these gifts and how they have made me a better person. If you are a caregiver and are so busy that you cannot see the forest for the trees, stay tuned.  I will share information that I hope will encourage and inspire you as you care and give to your loved one.